Blamers

Interestingly, you might surprise to know that blamers eventually feel victims. As they tend to accuse others for everything, not only they become less emotionally and technically competent, but also they feel that things can not be changed, improved and get better, because it is all the mistake of others which they can not control.

When facing a mistake, criticism or failure in our everyday life, we tend to peruse an attitude that either contribute to our personal change or personal freezing to our current level of spiritual and psychological maturity. One of most blockers to our personal development and change is the blaming attitude. That is, the tendency to blame others for most of the things; it is all their mistakes, it all their responsibility, it is all their weakness and it is all their incompetence. Blamers use many masks to cover their inner vulnerability. They justify, manipulate, hunting your natural mistakes and imperfections that exaggerate the part of the equation you are responsible for, in an attempt to handle little responsibility for their part in the equation. For a relationship to be productive, the parties of the relationship need to be prepared with enough level of human interaction. Enough skills mean the ability to accept feedback, and critics, handling conflict, and building intimacy. Blamers are the weak part of the equation, as they tend to reject responsibility for their actions and just think that the other should adjust. Under such conditions, we find it very challenging to come up with win-win options that improve or even maintain the relationship. Blamers, escape from guilt by what is called "rationalizing"; they come up with a convincing argument to justify in a logical way, why they are perfect and the other party needs change. It is a strategy to avoid realizing who they are, or what is called; self-awareness. Their tendency to avoid accepting that they do have mistakes or responsibility, make their journey of emotional intelligence development hard. A one, who is not competent enough in developing self-awareness, will suffer from lacking social awareness. Consequently, self management and relationship management development is more difficult. Blamers, as they rationalize to avoid responsibility, can use professional language; act as confident people, powerful and superior. I see some managers use it over and over again with employees; some managers refuse to accept that their attitude is the problem or one of the causes of the problem. Blamers get stuck to their level of self-esteem, competency and emotional intelligence. Therefore, overtime, blaming becomes their dearest and strongest skill. They become skillful in blaming, and here are one of their blaming tricks: Using science, for instance, they might use part of a theory to back their argument that you are doing very bad They refer to known figures, take a story or a hint, place in the argument, although it does not fit to the context to give credibility to their talk Exaggerate your mistake, and show as catastrophic, so that you can get weak, fearful, or guilty in order to accept more and more responsibility for the situation. This means they are less responsible. Show extreme confidence, use civil language, and stable body language as they argue to impress the others. I will give two examples of funny blamers I met: An senior HRM director in GSM Company justify for me that their staff use their mobiles during the session saying: "When you go to a factory which do cigarettes, whenever you go, they ask you to smoke (please smoke) it is a tradition there. So I think that our staff uses their mobiles in the sessions, as a tradition also, this is my interpretation for the behavior." Not comment. A company who I trained since years their employees, supervisors, managers and then CEOs. Every level blames the other levels, saying that the company's life will improve if the upper level improves. This makes many of them reluctant to change. Interestingly, you might surprise to know that blamers eventually feel victims. As they tend to accuse others for everything, not only they become less emotionally and technically competent, but also they feel that things can not be changed, improved and get better, because it is all the mistake of others which they can not control. I have to say that blamers are victims of their own lack of self-acceptance. This huge amount of rejection inside and lack of well-founded self-esteem let them defend their position to maintain enough self-like to survive. To improve your attitude if you are a blamer, I advice the following: Accept that we do make mistakes as humans, as this does not erode your self-wroth as a person. You are valuable regardless of what mistakes you do Take a balanced view of responsibility. The outcome of the equation means that both sides need to do something. Clarify your part, take responsibility for it, and equally important, ask the other side to clarify their part and take responsibility for it. Accepting responsibility means an opportunity to change and improve. It will boost your skills and personality over the long-term and make life happier and much productive. Say to your self: my life is a balanced of success and unsuccessful trials, this is normal, it happens with every human being. Nobody is perfect, decisions I make sometimes are wrong